


The Bokuto Family Goes To School

by kotaro_kun



Series: The Bokuto Family [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji in a Dress, Child Hinata Shouyou, Child Tsukishima Kei, Established Relationship, Fluff, Inspired by Addams Family, M/M, Married Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Parenthood, School, Slice of Life, The Addams AU, bokuto and akaashi are parents goals, grandmama kita, humor?, there is probably one potty word in this fic, uncle tendou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:01:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27551191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotaro_kun/pseuds/kotaro_kun
Summary: "They have to go to a proper school Mr. Bokuto! Everybody sends their kids to school." Futakuchi argued power-walking after the bulky man."Ridiculous! Why have children if you'll just get rid of them?"Kotaro and Keiji decide not to send Hinata and Tsukishima to school and let Grandpa Kita tutor them instead. The board of education however, thinks differently and they send truant officer, Mr. Futakuchi to investigate. When he arrives at the Bokuto's mansion he is greeted by model trains blowing in his face and a strangler plant. In the end he leaves the place with a date scheduled for next friday.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Aone Takanobu/Futakuchi Kenji (implied), Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei
Series: The Bokuto Family [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020619
Comments: 10
Kudos: 111





	The Bokuto Family Goes To School

**Author's Note:**

> what a fun coincidence that today is friday the 13th  
> inspired by [this](https://twitter.com/temari_AM/status/1322556712193155072) art, except i changed wednesday to tsukishima cause it fits the character better, for me. futakuchi uses she/her pronouns with akaashi cause he thought he was a woman but keiji doesn't mind either way.

It was a lovely morning, the sun shined softly on the trees, illuminating the sidewalks and stray leaves blanketing the concrete. The mailman, Mr. Takeru, walked along the charming residential street, with its white picket fences, pastel houses, green clipped gardens and housewives gossiping in the porches. He whistled to himself while greeting a cute labradoodle who had been eyeing him.

Unfortunately the uplifting surroundings did not follow the mailman as he walked up the residential hill, approaching the last house in the neighborhood, isolated from all others. He couldn't help but to slow his pace as his mood took a drastic turn. A walk that started with sunshine and giggling kids was ending with him in the middle of the dense vegetation growing around the hill with nothing but his breath as a soundtrack. The closer he got to the top the quieter the forest fell. With every step the pit of anxiety that was pooling on his stomach got heavier until the cause of his wallows came into view.

At the top of the hill, in all its horror, stood the Bokuto's mansion.

The monstrosity was a huge construction in the middle of a generously sized piece of land. Mr. Takeru suspected the Bokuto's owned the entire hill and the swamp at the bottom of it too. Their land also included a conservatory, a cemetery, that seemed to have no end, and a lake. The house itself had no business belonging to such a wealthy family, it has most certainly been built at least two hundreds years ago, all aging wood, deteriorating painting, broken windows and decaying infrastructure. Takeru was also pretty sure the place was haunted, for there was no natural explanation to the cloudy dark sky who never cleared, not even in the hottest summer day, and the sinister air around it that made the hairs in the back of his neck rise with discomfort, like a primitive instinct warning him about the danger the place imposed. He could tell all that and he had never even stepped a foot inside the gates.

Slowly he approached the massive iron bars, his mind never failing to notice how much it looked like a mouth with pointy sharp teeth waiting for an unaware soul to pass its jaw.

Takeru already had all the mail clenched between his fingers, he just wanted to get this done and over with the faster he could. With a deep breath he focused all his senses into the mailbox, standing innocently beside the monster's jaws. Then he ran.

If his brain was functioning normally, and not tunnel visioning at his goal, he'd argue the distance between him and the box seemed to never shorten, as if the house knew his fear and decided to play tricks with him.

Finally he arrived at the mailbox, with caution he stretched his arm the further away from his body as possible, to slowly open the metal flap and witnessing-

Nothing. It was completely empty. Takeru breathed a sigh of relief. Now he just had to shove the letters inside and run away as fast as he could-

"Hey, pal!"

The mailman's spine snapped back into place so fast he could feel it almost breaking into two. Startled he looked up, with eyes as big as plates, to see a completely normal man in a suit heading in his direction. The air he had been holding in his frozen lungs was almost exhaled, however before that could happen he felt something grab his hand that was still stuck inside the mailbox.

His body chilled for complete. Everything was numb. He faintly heard the strange man calling out to him again, although he could not decipher a single word, all he could hear was the thundering of his heart.

Slowly he turned his eyes towards the box. There, inside with his hand, still gripping for dear life the mail, was… another hand. The man gulped.

A person in sound mind would have flung their hand out of there and ran screaming and rolling down the hill. However Takeru was not of sound mind. He was tired. Was it even worth living, knowing that he'd have to come back again tomorrow and go through all of this a thousand more times?

Unfortunately, before the sweet release of death could take him, he watched with dead eyes the dismembered hand wave in greeting before wrestling the letters out of his grip and disappearing inside the mailbox again.

Takeru was pretty sure he hadn't taken a gulp of air in more than a minute. Did he even know how to breathe anymore? He tried it, slowly feeling his lungs with air only to stop mid motion when a heavy hand squeezed his left shoulder.

"You doing okay there, buddy?"

Takeru turned in time to see the same good looking man from before past him, smiling. He watched in horror, as the man headed straight for the murderer gates, casually looking for a handle.

"What-" he choked. But it got the man's attention who stopped the search for the lock. "You— you're going there?!"

The man quirked a dark eyebrow. "Yeah? I'm the truant officer. The board heard the Bokuto's got two kids who never set foot in school. I have to fix that."

The man turned back to the gates watching with a frozen smile the gates open up, the ground swallowing the bottom half as the top lifted higher into the air, exactly like a mouth would. He grinned back at Takeru before crossing the jaws who snapped shut in an astonishing speed, making the both of them jump in place.

The mailman raised his shaky hand, waving faintly at the man. "Good luck my friend."

* * *

Futakuchi straightened his suit before knocking on the front door. So far he hadn't even talked to the Bokuto's and the whole situation already seemed like a struggle. First he had to walk around the swamp, then he had to climb up the hill, getting slapped in the face by random plants and dirtying his shoes with mud. When he finally reached the top he encountered the weird mailman, almost got bit into half by that weird gate, tripped on random dead plants scattered around the front property and got his feet stuck in a loose board in the dusty porch, falling on all fours. He had heard that the family was wealthy, but if the rumours were true then they were a bunch of cheapskates that couldn't even pay a cleaner or renovate the outside of the house. Is this place even safe for kids to live in?

He took a long calming breath. _It's for the children._

He rang the bell. It made no sound that he could hear but seconds after the door slowly opened.

At first he was under the impression that like the gate the door opened by itself, something he thought wasn't very safe. That was until he noticed a little boy standing by the door looking at him with big doey eyes. He was small, if Futakuchi could guess he'd say he was five years old, and had a mess of orange curls bouncing on his head. How adorable.

"Hello!" The kid chirped.

Futakuchi smiled, "Hello. You must be one of the Bokuto's children, huh?"

"I'm Hinata!"

"I'm Futakuchi. Are your parents home?"

Hinata frowned. "They're always home."

Futakuchi relaxed, for a moment he thought Hinata would say his parents weren't home and the poor officer would have to call child protection.

"Good, I'd like to see them." The quicker he could get this over with, the better.

"You mean you wanna come in?" Hinata tilted his little round head in question.

He smiled again, "If you don't mind." 

Hinata most certainly didn't mind because he shrugged his little shoulders and made way for Futakuchi to get inside the house.

The officer glanced around the main foyer, impressed.

An imposing stairwell rose in front of them, leading to the second floor. Above there was the biggest chandelier he had ever seen, even bigger than the ones in fancy stores, but this one seemed to be about a hundred years old and to hold its own weight in spider webs.

Hinata grabbed his hand and started guiding him to the doorway on their left, revealing a huge living area. The great room.

Even if it certainly needed cleaning it wasn't lacking in decoration and grandiose, albeit very eccentric ones.

As they crossed the room Futakuchi gazed at the various unusual paintings and decorations on the walls. Like a moose head with two crooked horns, a painting of a giraffe using a suit, another weird art decoration of a swordfish with a human leg inside its mouth.

_Maybe they're those eccentric taxidermy enthusiasts_ , he thought as they passed a platform holding a giant sea turtle with two heads. That must have been a find for them.

"You've got a nice place Hinata." He told the child, dumbfounded. The red hair turned around with a big smile as his little legs hurriedly took them to another room. "Thanks! We like it a lot. It's very gloomy!"

They were passing a huge cage filled with four black crows, lazily nipping at each other when Futakuchi felt a chill run down his spine. He faltered turning around to find a blonde boy staring back at him behind his big square glasses. What a creep.

"Hi you must be Hinata's brother, right?" He smiled hoping to seem amiable but the child not so much as blinked before turning his disconcertingly intense gaze at the redhead still latching the officer's hand.

"Hinata, I fixed your doll."

He lifted a headless doll up to Hinata's eye level who sported a huge grin upon seeing the toy.

Hinata clutched the doll in his hands before looking up at the flabbergasted adult.

"Tsukki is very handy." He smiled.

Futakuchi spluttered, "Fixed it? The doll doesn't have a head!"

Hinata cocked his head confused again. "It's Marie Antoinette. Grandpa Kita told us about the French Revolution, so Kei cut off her head!" Then as if the sentence alone wasn't disturbing Hinata swiped a finger under his chain in the "beheading" gesture. Futakuchi gulped.

"I'll wait for you in the cemetery Hinata." The bigger one, Tsukki, said before marching out of the room. Only then did the officer notice the child was holding a crossbow. Holding it too efficiently for a small kid.

"Come! Mommy is at the conservatory!" Futakuchi watched Hinata run out of the room, clearly excited at the prospect of playing with a beheaded doll in a cemetery, still holding the doll tie to his chest while his round orange curls bounced on top of his head.

The officer had not given four steps inside the conservatory before being strangled. By a plant. The officer shouted in horror as he felt the plant crush his airways, violently scratching at its body in a frantic way as the room spinned around him.

“Why, you perked up my African Strangler.”

Finally he felt someone desantangle the plant from his neck, which he was immensely thankful for but, he’d prefer his savior didn’t coo at the thing that had blocked all his airways a few seconds ago. His savior in question was a rather tall woman with long wavy black hair. In his disoriented and dizzy state Futakuchi still found himself able to gap like a fish at the beauty in front of him. While she cooed and wrapped the assassin plant back into place he ogled at the rest of her body clad in a black dress that was skin tight from head to toe and had a _very_ low cut on the cleavage.

“Mommy, this is Mr. Futakuchi!”

The woman hummed, turning her gray eyes towards him.

“Hello Mr. Futakuchi, how are you doing?” she greeted with a silk smooth voice.

The man coughed, “Very well, ma'am. I was sent here to talk with you-”

“My hemlock has been very listless lately.” Futakuchi blinked at the interruption. "Do you know anything about hemlocks Mr. Futakuchi?"

"Um… no ma'am."

"Oh, what a pity." Mrs. Bokuto muttered, turning back to finish wrapping the strangler plant around a sculpture of a… head. The officer briefly closed his eyes, it didn't matter how eccentric they were as long as he got the kids to go to school.

"I think I'm gonna run along and bury Marie Antoinette, mommy." Hinata, whom the man had completely forgotten was still at his side, declared looking up at his mother.

The stunning woman gave the child a loving smile, "Have fun, darling."

And with that the tiny redhead was shooting across the conservatory like a rocket.

Again, completely dumbfounded, he turned back to Mrs. Bokuto following her as she walked around the glass room.

"Look at my beautiful poison oak." Mrs. Bokuto said, shoving the poisonous plant in his face, but luckily he managed to side step before getting stabbed in the eye or leaving the house with a face full of rashes.

Still, he nodded appropriately. "Mrs. Bokuto, your children are five and seven years old-"

"And growing like toadstools," she pouted, setting the plant down. "But my hemlock continues to droop."

"Mrs. Bokuto," he repeated. "Your kids have to attend school. It's the law."

The woman however seemed to not care about a single word he said, not comprehending the gravity of the situation.

"I see," she hummed distractedly, rearranging a bouquet of rose’s stems. "Unfortunately I can't help you with that, you must speak to my husband. The law is his responsibility."

She grabbed a slipknot hanging from the ceiling yanking it down. The room shook, as if an earthquake was happening and a deafening gong rang in his head, sending shock waves through his brain. _The hell is wrong with these people._

Mrs. Bokuto crossed her arms smiling softly at him. Futakuchi couldn't manage a half smile half grimace back before he felt a weight settling on his shoulder. Slowly the officer looked back, finding himself face to face with a seven foot tall man. Well, more like chest to face.

He couldn't lie, he was impressed. Being a taller man himself it was rare to find someone he had to look up to when talking.

"You rang?" The goliath said in the slowest and deepest voice the officer had ever heard. He gulped.

"Oh!" He squirmed under the man's unwavering gaze. "I didn't hear you come in, Mr. Bokuto."

"Aone is our butler." Mrs. Bokuto clarified. "He'll take you to my husband."

Futakuchi looked at her, then back at the giant behind him, with white hair, a harsh scowl and very, very large shoulders. He scoffed, giving Mrs. Bokuto a shaky smile.

"Can't I stay here?" He pleaded. "I'm sure you and I can settle this matter-"

At that the huge hand squeezed his shoulder again prompting the man to wince.

"Perhaps it'd be better to see Mr. Bokuto." He amended quickly, bowing courteously before following Aone out of the conservatory, leaving Mrs. Bokuto behind with her plants.

"Maybe more moonshine will do you better, my precious hemlock." Was the last thing he heard her mutter.

* * *

Mr. Bokuto's office was a very spacious place, with solid wood furniture, all four walls adorned with books from floor to ceiling, more animal trophies decorating the place and a fifteen feet long model train set.

The man in question had not once lifted his eyes from the toy trains since Futakuchi entered the room, keeping his gaze locked on all three trains speeding through the lines with a wicked grin on his lips.

Futakuchi couldn't help but feel unsettled by the man's expression. He wasn't unattractive, the contrary, he just exulted a different type of aura. A wild, rough, and sharp aura. His unusual traits also added to the animalistic feeling, what with those wide gold eyes, spiked up silver hair and the palest skin the other man had ever seen. 

"Mr. Bokuto, I'm Kenji Futakuchi." The officer had to yell over the sound of the locomotives whistling. 

"Hello, how do you do Mr. Futakuchi." The man greeted, not spearing a glance in his guest's direction. Futakuchi scowled, irritated.

"I just meant to stop by to talk to you— They're gonna crash!" He exclaimed, noticing that all three trains headed in the same direction as an alarm started blaring. The cacophony of sounds overwhelming.

Mr. Bokuto laughed, "You think so?" He then produced a small wood box, like those dynamite triggers in the cartoons, pressing down the handle. Futakuchi recoiled when one of the bridges in the train line exploded, sending smoke and dust everywhere and making all three trains blow up simultaneously. 

Mr. Bokuto was laughing delighted by his side, setting the box back on the table. "Beautiful, beautiful!"

"You— you meant to blow them up?"

Mr. Bokuto turned to him with the same confused expression the tiny Hinata had given him. "Yeah? Why else would a grown man play with trains?" He clapped Futakuchi in the back, _hard_ , offering him another trigger box. "You wanna explode a bridge too?"

Futakuchi smiled faintly, "Maybe another time."

"Well, what can I do for you?" Futakuchi watched the man reach for a smoking glass on the table. When he blew some of the smoke away, at first glance, it seemed to be… strawberry juice?

"Uh, it's about sending the children to school."

"Ah!" Bokuto exclaimed, sipping from the glass. "Papa is in charge of the education!" Mr. Bokuto informed, heading out of the room with vigorous steps.

"They have to go to a proper school Mr. Bokuto! Everybody sends their kids to school." Futakuchi argued power-walking after the bulky man.

"Ridiculous! Why have kids if you'll just get rid of them? I don't agree with this nonsense!"

"But Mr. Bokuto, don't you want your kids to learn?" Futakuchi desperately tried to argue with the man, he couldn't go through all this just to leave the house without the guarantee the parents would enroll their children into proper school.

"Learn you say! Look at this!" Futakuchi recognized the room they were in as the great room, and that was because of the giant turtle with two heads, where Mr. Bokuto grabbed a little box that was sitting by its side.

"Little Tsukki's." He passed the box to the officer who's eyes almost bugged out of his head upon seeing what was inside.

"Spiders?" He screeched in shock.

"Pedigreed!" Mr. Bokuto puffed in pride. "Have you ever seen a child that could raise thoroughbred spiders?" 

"No…"

"That's what I thought."

Futakuchi sighed, completely drained. These people were batshit crazy, but it seemed like they got good intentions. If he could just persuade the father that a more adequate education was necessary.

"I was referring to a more formal education, like reading."

"What is there for a seven year old to read?"

"He's gonna be twenty seven one day!" He cried exasperated.

"See ya then!"

He watched with sagging shoulders Mr. Bokuto climb the stairs laughing, very pleased with himself. He had half a mind to follow the man but at the same time, was it worth the effort? _It's for the children_ , he thought, as he dragged himself to the second floor.

"Listen Mr. Bokuto, this isn't my idea." Futakuchi couldn't even find it inside of him the strength to make his voice firmer. "The board of education-"

"We have our own board of education!" Mr. Bokuto wrapped his, admittedly, thick arm around the officer's shoulders, lightly shaking him. Or as lightly as a six foot four, over two hundred pounds man could be. "Papa tutors them in the most fine arts. Music, art, ballet. He's exceptional and Keiji and I are satisfied with it!"

_What about math? English? Sciences?_ Futakuchi wondered as he was pulled through the dark hallways of the second floor before they stopped in front of a door.

Mr. Bokuto raised a finger, still grinning. "If you meet him, you'll see how our children are fine!"

He threw the door, making it bang into the wall, and without a second to spear a knife landed right in front of Futakuchi's face, probably less than an inch from sinking into his nose.

"Ha! And he's really good at darts!" Bokuto yelled, delighted. "Papa, now get him in the heart!"

_Fuck the children_ , the officer thought, gathering the rest of his strength to escape that house and run down the hill. It was better to leave the Bokuto’s kids right where they are.

* * *

"The thorns are so much larger this season." Akaashi mused as he placed the last rose stem in the vase his husband was holding.

"They are. You have such a way with roses, Iji." Akaashi smiled accepting the kisses Bokuto started placing on his cheeks, then his neck, then his shoulders. One of his hands wrapped around Keiji's waist as he trailed his kisses down the brunette's back.

Keiji hummed, contentedly. "We must go dear, they're waiting for us."

The afternoon had been terrible. Not a ray of shine could cut through the thick clouds floating atop their home, and thunder kept reverberating across the land. The wind howled outside, shaking the trees and making the dead leaves float in the windows. With such perfect weather, Bokuto and Keiji decided to spend some time in each other's company in the conservatory. Keiji absolutely loved tending to his various exotic plants and Kotaro adored watching with heart eyes his beautiful wife do anything. It was the man's favorite form of entertainment, just basking in his lover's elegance and beauty.

Keiji for his part could spend hours listening to his husband's rambling, the baritone of his voice and the sound of his laugh were enough to lift his mood on any day. He also didn't mind pretending he was aloof to the man's loving eyes, following him whenever he went.

"They can wait, my darling." Kotaro muttered, squeezing Keiji against his torso.

"They've been waiting for long, and Aone is also playing some lovely songs."

Bokuto sighed heavily, bringing the stunning vase of thorns his wife had arranged. They could hear the funebre tune Aone was playing probably from outside the house but the roof shaking tune was even more sinister in the great room, where the kids and Uncle Tendo were already present. Kotaro's brother was entertaining the kids with their pet iguana, like the good uncle he was. Grandpapa Kita was probably in the basement, finishing one of his deadly potions, the scent of sulfur and rotten animals wafting upstairs. Great music, nasty kids, aggressive pet, a terrific wife, cool brother and a witch father who infested the house with the most disgusting aromas possible. What more could a man ask for?

Kotaro set the vase next to his wife's grandiose chair, where he was already situated knitting the sweater they'd gift to cousin Sarukui. The man made himself comfortable in his chair right by his wife, taking his hand and kissing it sweetly with a lovey-dovey smile.

"Querida" he whispered, sniffing his pulse. Keiji smiled fondly, caressing his husband's jaw before going back to his knitting.

They both sat in silence, admiring their kids playing on the floor in front of them, Kotaro snickered when the iguana almost bit off one of Shoyo's fingers, as Keiji shook his head fondly. The children's giggling however was cut by the loud cry of the alarm.

"The mail's in." Keiji said and as if on cue, Thing appeared running through the threshold in his direction, balancing a letter between two of his fingers. He accidentally stepped on Bruno, their polar bear rug who growled menacingly at the hand. The Bokuto's didn't blink an eye.

"For me?" Keiji inquired when Thing stopped at his foot. The hand didn't answer per se, but he didn't move so the raven assumed that was a yes, plucking the letter from it.

"Oh isn't this sweet," he said, reading the letter.

Kotaro perked up from his seat, "What is it Iji?"

"Fukurodani school insists we enroll the children immediately." He glanced at his husband adoringly. "You must have made a great impression on that Mr. Futakuchi."

Bokuto straighten up in horror. "Keiji, you can't send the children to school! I'll be lost without them!" He cried.

"Kotaro, I've seen little Shoyo looking out the gate at the other children. I think he wants to play with them."

Kotaro stood up, agitated. "Well, he didn't get that from my side of the family." His wife didn't respond to that adding to his annoyance. Keiji was aware of the little rendezvous he would have when younger, adventuring into the weird world of picket-fences and pink dresses. But that was a mistake of the past, and he knew if he educated his children from young they wouldn't do the same things.

Thankfully, before things could escalate, Tendo appeared by their side immediately dissolving any tension in the air.

"School? I never went to school and look how I turned out." He argued smiling creepily like he always did. Bokuto nodded in agreement gesturing to his brother's ragged clothes, spiked bright red hair, psychopath huge eyes with the most unsettling stare in that house, even worse than little Kei's.

"Uncle Tendo," Keiji sighed. "Looks, charm and personality aren't everything. There's such things as learning and accomplishments."

The wife raised his hand in a placating gesture when both men opened their mouths to rebut. He glared dangerously at the both of them, almost hypnotizing with those clear gray eyes.

"You both have lots of natural talent, but that has nothing to do with knowledge and learning. I'll call the school and inform them we'll be there in the morning."

Kotaro fell to his knees in front of his wife, pleading, "Keiji" he whined.

"Kotaro," The raven purred, dragging his long sharp nails over his husband's jaw. "Mother knows best. Now believe me. We'll send the children to school."

From his place on the floor, still playing with his pet iguana, Tsukishima scowled, "School? That's for kids."

* * *

"I'm sure the kids will be happy here, Mr. Bokuto." The principal smiled sweetly. Too sweetly for Kotaro's tastes.

"If you wanted them to be happy you would let them stay at home." He grumbled holding Shoyo closer to his chest.

They were all sitting in the principal's office, finishing enrolling the children and now the most dreaded moment arrived. Until now it was okay because his babies were still at arm's length but now their teacher had appeared, grabbing Hinata and Tsukki by the hand.

"Bye children, be good!" Keiji called out as they left. Kotaro had followed the three to the door and had his head outside watching them walk away from him.

Keiji sniffed, dabbing a handkerchief underneath his eyes, "I'm gonna miss the patter of their little feet, sneaking up behind me."

* * *

At home the mansion seemed even more haunting than before, not even the spirit that inhabited the walls could make that place feel alive. Kotaro and Keiji tried to kill time by spending the morning in their room, enjoying the only upside of not having the children home. Then when the afternoon arrived they tended to Keiji's plants in the conservatory, fed their boa constrictor cooing at how impressive it was that she could catch the mouses so fast, such a smart little girl. They even exploded some of Kotaro's trains and made contact with Keiji's parents from the other side! When finally three PM arrived Kotaro had never been more relieved. Yes he loved spending time with his wife and the few hours they got alone in the room were spectacular but he missed his little rascals, he missed Tsukishima shooting arrows at him and Shoyo exploding dynamite caps in his room. Keiji too, didn't outwardly express it but he was dying to have his babies back in his arms, he wasn't used to not seeing Shoyo and Tsukki for so long and he missed their little scowls dearly.

"It's four minutes past three and they're not here yet. Are they going to keep the children there for night school?" Kotaro inquired, returning to the great room from where he was watching the front door, pacing back and forth impatiently while his wife sat in his chair still knitting Cousin Sarukui's sweater.

"Kou, a watched cauldron never bubbles." He reasoned not taking his eyes from the needles.

But the words couldn't calm Bokuto who continued to grumble.

"They should be here by now if they let Tsukki drive." He said just in time to hear the car tires squealing to stop in the front door. He broke into a grin, "My darling, I think they did!"

He ran to the door, throwing it open with a huge smile only to be greeted by the sight of Shoyo wailing, running past his father to his room. Kei leisurely strolled inside the foyer holding both their bags with his usual nonchalant face. Keiji had also heard his child's cry and emerged from the great room with a worried frown. The two of them hurriedly ran upstairs being slowly followed by Tsukki hauling their book bags all alone to the second floor.

Kotaro was the first to make it to little Shoyo's room and found the boy crying on his bed, his little feet kicking in agitation.

"Hinata!" He called, picking his son up and hugging him to his chest. "What is wrong, darling? There, there." He shushed the child, patting his back.

"Daddy it was awful!" Shoyo cried, his big brown eyes spilling tears down his cheeks, and his little button nose red and runny. At any other moment it'd be adorable, but he needed to understand why his kid was like that, since little Shoyo rarely cried, not even when Kei invited him to play in their electric chair, Sparky. "They killed him!"

"Mr. Futakuchi?" Kotaro questioned, lost.

"The dragon!" Shoyo wailed as a new wave of tears took over him.

"Who killed the dragon?" Bokuto asked in shock. Who would do such a thing?

"The knight in shining armor. He killed the dragon."

Kotaro watched his wife enter the room with an horrified expression, still bouncing Shoyo in his arms.

"I can't believe someone would kill a dragon."

Keiji's eyes widened in shock, "The poor, defenseless dragon." He whispered, petting his son's orange curls.

"That isn't all." Kei muttered from where he had sneaked up on them, holding a book towards his mother. "You ought to see the other stories in this book."

"Let me see that darling," Keiji asked, taking the book from his little hands. "Grimm's Fairy Tales." He paused, smiling. "What a lovely name. Grimm. How could he write such terrible stories?" He turned to his husband who was pacing around the room calming Shoyo.

"Must be sick. Perverse barbarism." He growled, furious that someone would taint his child this way. "That settles it! No more school!" He declared with a menacing glare.

"Good thinking, sir." Tsukishima agreed, unenthusiastic.

Keiji looked indignant at his husband. "That's alright for our children, but what about all the others?" He inquired. They couldn't let other children be educated with such violent and cruel stories.

"I suppose you're right," His husband conceded. "We should do something, just as ordinary citizens."

Keiji nodded, determined. "I'll call that nice Mr. Futakuchi and invite him over and we'll discuss it with him. I think he really liked us."

* * *

"What if Mr. Futakuchi doesn't come?" Shoyo whined from where he was sitting on his mother's lap, waiting patiently as he fixed his curls in place.

"Angel," Keiji smiled, kissing his little forehead. "We sent Aone for Mr. Furakuchi and you know how difficult it is for people to refuse Aone. He has such a nice way with them."

Just as he said that, the raven heard Bruno growling like he always did when someone stepped on him.

"Mr. Futakuchi!" Aone was carrying Futakuchi bride style inside the great room. He was such a nice and selfless person, Keiji mused. "Put him in the nice chair Aone."

The butler nodded, moving towards the antique armchair, right under the arms of their taxidermy brown bear, and setting the guest down like a baby. "That will be all for now, Aone. Thank you."

The children had settled on the floor in front of the officer, scowling menacingly at him. The mother smiled fondly, "Children," he mused. "You never know what they're thinking." He said to Mr. Futakuchi.

"Oh, I know," the officer gulped, watching as the little one growled at him.

"We do have a bone to pick with you, Mr. Futakuchi." A voice roared over the room.

Kotaro stood dramatically at the top of the stairs, smiling dangerously at their guest. Keiji could be wrong but he was sure the officer thought the bear had spoken.

"Oh," Mr. Futakuchi said weakly. "Perhaps I have done some little thing."

"Ah Mr. Futakuchi. Murder, it's not a little thing." Kotaro grinned wildly, showing his sharp canines.

"Murder?" Futakuchi whispered, desperately looking around the room for an escape.

Keiji clicked his tongue, "As if you didn't know." He taunted. "But first refreshments." The raven said, sounding the gong. "Wait till you see what Papa and Uncle Tendo cooked for you." He smiled, excitedly. "The end!"

Futakuchi choked, "It figures."

Uncle Tendo and Granpapa, entered the room bringing with them a lovely aroma. Tendo was holding a bubbling cauldron who emanated the most sour smell possible and Papa had a tray of his divine homemade cookies.

Futakuchi squirmed, trying to run away when the newcomers shoved the hot cauldron on his face. "No, no! I'm fine! I'm good!"

"We made it especially for you!" Tendo smiled, jumping up and down and spilling the liquid on the carpet. "You must taste the cookies!"

Futakuchi's eyes almost bugged out of their sockets when he saw what was in the tray. They seemed to be normal sugar cookies, but they had bats, worms and spiders as toppings. The poor bugs and animals were struggling to break out of the stick glaze pining them to the treats.

"They're an old family recipe." The elderly man informed. He had a nice smooth voice, like Keiji but still, the officer could see the madness behind his golden eyes.

"The bats are my favorite but the lizards are pretty good too!" Kotaro said, walking down the stairs.

"You can feel them wiggling all the way down." Tendo smiled at the officer.

Futakuchi whimpered, trapped between the unsettling stairs of the two, he felt claustrophobic.

"Mr. Futakuchi," Keiji intervened ushering his relatives back into the kitchen with an apology. "You look like a bundle of nerves. There is anything we can do for you?" He inquired gently, noticing the man's trembling lips. 

"I know!" Bokuto proclaimed with a finger in the air. "The rack?"

"The rack?" Futakuchi parroted, distressed.

"Yeah, you know stretching, so relaxing." He smiled sounding the infernal gong again, making the officer's overwhelmed brain spin. "Aone!"

"You rang?" The giant asked in the doorway.

"The rack, for Mr. Futakuchi." Keiji gestured towards the frightened man.

"No, no, no, no." Futakuchi chanted shrilly. He made a run to the door but Kotaro was faster than him grabbing the man by the shoulders and dragging the reluctant officer back to the room. "I just had it overhauled. Got all the squeaks back!"

"If I've caused you any trouble-" Futakuchi was ready to beg for his life.

"Oh, we don't blame you Mr. Futakuchi." Keiji assured him.

"We just can't tolerate some things." His husband amended.

"Like what?"

"Like violence." Keiji replied.

"Well, what's wrong with a little— Violence?!"

"The kind they're teaching the kids at school." Bokuto shook his head disapprovingly.

"You said 'Teaching the children at school'?" The man was completely shocked. With reason, poor Mr. Futakuchi must have not known what was being said to the children he was just trying to help, Keiji sadly thought.

"Have you read your friend Grimm lately?" Kotaro inquired with a pinched face.

"Those harmless fairy tales?"

"Harmless?!" Kotaro spluttered, indignant. "Killing a poor, defenseless dragon?"

"But there are no real dragons." Futakuchi argued, stunned.

Kotaro's eyebrows rose "What gives ya that impression?"

Kotaro walked up next to his wife, settling a hand on the small of his back. "What about that Hansel and Gretel?"

"Little Hansel and Gretel?"

"Little juvenile delinquents." Spat Keiji, getting irritated. "Pushing sweet old ladies into hot ovens!"

"Sweet old…"

Kotaro leaned down to Mr. Futakuchi's level with a predatory glimmer in his gold eyes. "That's not what you want to feed little children."

The officer nodded frantically, "Of course not."

Good, they had made the man see reason. Keiji was so happy such a reasonable man was part of his children's school life. Or past school life. He scoffed, "Then why don't you run down to the School Board and tell them to do something about it?"

Mr. Futakuchi stiffed, gaping at the couple in front of him, completely speechless. After maybe ten seconds he found his voice. "Well I… You know I'm beginning to think you've got something."

"You are?!" Kotaro shook him by his arms, excitedly. "Another drink for Mr. Futakuchi." He yelled, yanking the gong one more time.

"I'm beginning to see your point," Futakuchi affirmed, slowly inching towards the door. "Something must be done. You know what? Thinking like you can save the world!"

He reached the door, turning one last time to the terrifying couple, "I misjudged you people completely. You-" he pointed at Aone, the butler who had dragged him to this infernal place. "Let's go on a date on Friday! You come pick me up like today!" Then he was out of the room and the sound of the front door closing followed him shortly after.

A stunned silence settled in the room before the married couple turned towards their blushing butler, who somehow still managed to scowl in a situation like this.

"Why Aone," Keiji teased. "I had always wondered how a catch like you was still single. You must've been lacking a partner with attitude." He smirked as his husband started laughing by his side.

* * *

A couple days later and Keiji was giving the final touches to the sweater he was going to gift Sarukui, when the phone chimed. Thing graciously handed him the speaker, not wanting the raven to bother getting up.

"Thank you, Thing." Keiji smiled, grateful. "Hello? Yes?"

From the other side of the room Kotaro watched his gorgeous wife's smile grow bigger and bigger.

"Wonderful! The kids will be there tomorrow. Thank you."

Kotaro had already walked to his side, curious as he was, raising his eyebrows in question. "It was that nice Mr. Futakuchi. He said the School Board accepted our ideas, enthusiastically." Keiji informed, delighted. 

He and Kotaro had agreed after a long talk that they would allow the children to attend school. As difficult as it was staying away from their babies he wanted them to make more friends, be accomplished academically. He was also so sure his children would thrive in such a challenging and stimulating environment. They've come to an agreement that three times a week was enough for now, and they may allow them to go four days in alternating weeks, in the future, if everything goes alright.

"Really?" Kotaro smiled, surprised before puffing out proudly. "Well, that Mr. Futakuchi may be right. We may have saved the world!"

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what is the name of those dynamite trigger boxes. it was inspired by an old addam's family episode.


End file.
